Tag: jason

dreams, family, friends, love, mental shit, migraines

Major decision…

City Grown Willow

My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 1.5 years, and no success. We had stuff check out firtility wise and it’s not bad bad, but not great either…and it’s mostly to be expected due to age. Well, I am unable to continue down this path right now because of my health. My migraines are out of control and my bipolar/anxiety has ramped up.

Last Friday, 8/23, I had to leave work early due to a headache that had me in tears, I headed to Salem and was going to Urgent Care, I started to feel like I might actually pass out from the pain, which induced a full blown panic attack and more tears. By the time u reached Urgent Care I felt like I could be having a stroke…I wasn’t, but all those things combined made me feel like it.

So Jason and I had very lengthy discussions about this journey, and decided I can’t keep living like this. I’m miserable and tired and not happy at all. We are disappointed that we were unable to create a life together, but we have decided to adopt. And we know that once we have that baby, we will love it just as much as if we had created it.

So I spoke with my headache specialist yesterday and we are putting me on Tizanidine again and trying amerge for when I have a migraine and also trying Aimovig monthly shots for prevention.

It’s like a huge weight has been lifted! I will see my Psych in 2 weeks and get my IUD in 3 weeks. I just can’t even begin to explain how relieved I feel that I can get myself healthy before we bring a baby home.

Also Jason is done with school. He passed with straight A’s and I couldn’t be more proud of him! 🖤🖤🖤 I love that man so much! He also bought me a new wedding set that is citrine, which is my favorite!

dreams, eddie vedder, family, friends, love, migraines, pearl jam, tattoos, the past, the walking dead, weightloss journey

tid bits…

City Grown Willow

Those nails I got that were so damn pretty…yeah I lasted a little over a week…and then I took them off, I want so desperately to have them, but I can’t handle the way they feel…I can feel them on my nails and they feel like my nails can’t breathe, and every time they catch its so painful…so yeah I took them off. My aunt told me it runs in the family, she is that way with even nail polish.

I started a re-watch of TWD because I won’t make it til October…because I’m obsessed. I dreamt that I got a tattoo of a Walker bite and now I am thinking of doing it. Probably not just any Walker bite though, thinking of Carl’s bite. lol Also TWD gives me anxiety, and yet I can’t stop watching…even re-watching, it is still giving me anxiety…lol

Also someone told me to watch the show Black Summer on Netflix, and I saw a meme of people saying the show causes stress…that made me want to watch it more. I have decided I have severe psychological issues… *shrug*

My “best friend” Tabatha has stopped speaking to me. I told her in March that she was being a shitty friend, she doesn’t show any interest in my life or what we’re doing…only about telling me about her bullshit drama(which she creates herself, btw) and trying to get my advice, and when I give it to her, at least half the time my advice thoughts, opinions, advice, piss her off because I call her out on her bullshit…well she of course got pissed at me telling her she wasn’t being a good friend and hasn’t talked to me since. I waited 6 weeks and she still didn’t talk to me so I removed her from my social media…I am done. I’ve known her since we were 5 and I thought she was my best friend, but clearly not really…so whatever, I’m over it.

I have a true best friend who I have known since the first day of HS, Taylor, she’s legit! ❤

We are going to New Hampshire this weekend for my hubby to walk at his college graduation, even though he still has classes until August, he gets to walk now. I’m so proud of him. He’s done so amazing in school while working full time, dealing with a lot of shit from his daughter, my step daughter, but he’s still managed to pull ALL straight As…I’m super excited to watch my hunnybear graduate! ❤

Also I am on a kick of “nothing but Eddie Vedder’s voice in my ears will do!” It’s like I can’t breathe if I’m not listening to him…so It’s been several days now of a PJ/EV playlist and Ten in the car because my car only has a CD player.

I think that’s it for now I am so tired I can’t think and I had a headache most of the day…so I think I’m gonna crash soon. Oh oh yeah…I am down 15 lbs!!

Goodnight, all!