Tag: love

dreams, family, love, migraines

Baby Arrived!

City Grown Willow

She actually came early! But I’ve been so exhausted I hadn’t even thought about writing until now. On the morning of January 29th, I went to the OB for a check up and non-stress test. Her monitor/heart rhythm had them concerned, so I was sent over to the L&D Dept at the hospital for an ultrasound and further monitoring. After the ultrasound, it turned out she was perfectly fine, but I was not. My BP was through the roof! Which explains why I had felt awful that entire week. I had developed Pre-eclampsia. The doctor on call came in and talked to me about how high my BP was and said they were admitting and inducing me. I was 37 weeks and 1 day. They started a magnesium drip as well, and it was awful…it gave me a migraine I then had for 4 days. I was in labor after being induced for 38 hours. Once dilated, I pushed for 2.5 hours and she was stuck, so we ended up in an emergency c-section. When the doctor told me we were moving to a c-section, I don’t think I could have been happier… I just had nothing left in me to give. She was born at 5:24am on January 31st. 6lbs 6oz and 19.3 inches. She was perfect! Her name is Morticia. She had to stay in the NICU for 5 days due to a breathing episode she had which was caused by the magnesium drip that I had to have. She lost over a lb in the hospital and I was so worried, but she is gaining it back. I’m not breast feeding, I’m bottle feeding and we’re making our own formula which is working so well. I’m not breast feeding because I knew I would need to get back on my migraine medications and they’re not safe for her. I wanted to be the best mommy I can be so I can take care of her.

She is a month old now, and as of today weighs 8lbs 9oz. She looks just like me…I made these side by side comparisons to my baby pics…it’s wild! She’s so beautiful and I still can’t believe we made her.

I’ve been telling people that I believe she saved my life. If they hadn’t thought something was wrong with her amniotic fluid due to her heart rate, they wouldn’t have sent me to the hospital and my Pre-eclampsia might not have been caught. At the highest, my BP was 190 over 95. So she’s my little angel!

We are so completely in love with her!

Pics from the hospital.

Uncategorized

Don’t need you and never did…

City Grown Willow

My “best” friend ghosted and blocked me with no explanation. Didn’t bother to try and talk to me if I had done something to upset her. Apparently she lacks common decency. So I have blocked her back and I am done. No going back this time because, honestly, it’s not the first time she’s done something of this nature. It’s happened multiple times over the course of our 22 year friendship. Just over it!

In other news, I found my first love on IG, a while back.so I was like hmmm what’s he up to now, because he was in school for music and I was like that’s actually pretty cool because he always loved music. Well upon my latest snoop I discovered he is a Trump supporter, and I am not kidding in the slightest when I say I had a physical reaction. I gagged and threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Also, you know, a lot of time has passed since he did what he did to me. But, I’ll be damned if hearing the song “Break Down Here” by Julie Roberts, which was my break up anthem for him, doesn’t still give me goosebumps.

I’m essentially recovered from my surgery. Muscles are still a bit tight, but getting better all the time. I started wearing lip color… Which I never do except for my make up for Halloween if it’s required. And I’m kind of obsessed! I have a red, a peach and three shades of pink. Also, I shaved my head again… But now I am really going to try and grow it! 😫😂

dreams, family, friends, love, mental shit, migraines

Major decision…

City Grown Willow

My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 1.5 years, and no success. We had stuff check out firtility wise and it’s not bad bad, but not great either…and it’s mostly to be expected due to age. Well, I am unable to continue down this path right now because of my health. My migraines are out of control and my bipolar/anxiety has ramped up.

Last Friday, 8/23, I had to leave work early due to a headache that had me in tears, I headed to Salem and was going to Urgent Care, I started to feel like I might actually pass out from the pain, which induced a full blown panic attack and more tears. By the time u reached Urgent Care I felt like I could be having a stroke…I wasn’t, but all those things combined made me feel like it.

So Jason and I had very lengthy discussions about this journey, and decided I can’t keep living like this. I’m miserable and tired and not happy at all. We are disappointed that we were unable to create a life together, but we have decided to adopt. And we know that once we have that baby, we will love it just as much as if we had created it.

So I spoke with my headache specialist yesterday and we are putting me on Tizanidine again and trying amerge for when I have a migraine and also trying Aimovig monthly shots for prevention.

It’s like a huge weight has been lifted! I will see my Psych in 2 weeks and get my IUD in 3 weeks. I just can’t even begin to explain how relieved I feel that I can get myself healthy before we bring a baby home.

Also Jason is done with school. He passed with straight A’s and I couldn’t be more proud of him! 🖤🖤🖤 I love that man so much! He also bought me a new wedding set that is citrine, which is my favorite!

Creative, dreams, family, friends, love, the walking dead

I fucking miss Rick Grimes!

City Grown Willow

I am rewatching TWD since I have to wait until October for new ones…so I decided to start back at the beginning…I know it’s legit only been half a season, but OMG I MISS RICK GRIMES!!! Andy, why did you have to leave us??? I’m almost to the end of season 3 already…I may have time to watch it twice by October. LMAO, I am a pro at binge watching.

Some friends and I started a *Girl Gang*, we’re gonna get T-shirts and patches. It’s all about Women supporting women, empowering each other and having each other’s backs! We’re called Femme AF.

I’m not gonna get super political, but I am gonna say I’m sick of this shit, this attack on women’s rights, our right to choose what we do with our own bodies, our right to be our own person…they’re looking to strip all that away, that’s why we have to have each other’s backs…we have to stand up for ourselves and each other, and not let them win! RISE UP AND RESIST! THE FUTURE IS FEMALE!

I’m home sick today and still not feeling so well, so that’s it for today. ❤

dreams, eddie vedder, family, friends, love, migraines, pearl jam, tattoos, the past, the walking dead, weightloss journey

tid bits…

City Grown Willow

Those nails I got that were so damn pretty…yeah I lasted a little over a week…and then I took them off, I want so desperately to have them, but I can’t handle the way they feel…I can feel them on my nails and they feel like my nails can’t breathe, and every time they catch its so painful…so yeah I took them off. My aunt told me it runs in the family, she is that way with even nail polish.

I started a re-watch of TWD because I won’t make it til October…because I’m obsessed. I dreamt that I got a tattoo of a Walker bite and now I am thinking of doing it. Probably not just any Walker bite though, thinking of Carl’s bite. lol Also TWD gives me anxiety, and yet I can’t stop watching…even re-watching, it is still giving me anxiety…lol

Also someone told me to watch the show Black Summer on Netflix, and I saw a meme of people saying the show causes stress…that made me want to watch it more. I have decided I have severe psychological issues… *shrug*

My “best friend” Tabatha has stopped speaking to me. I told her in March that she was being a shitty friend, she doesn’t show any interest in my life or what we’re doing…only about telling me about her bullshit drama(which she creates herself, btw) and trying to get my advice, and when I give it to her, at least half the time my advice thoughts, opinions, advice, piss her off because I call her out on her bullshit…well she of course got pissed at me telling her she wasn’t being a good friend and hasn’t talked to me since. I waited 6 weeks and she still didn’t talk to me so I removed her from my social media…I am done. I’ve known her since we were 5 and I thought she was my best friend, but clearly not really…so whatever, I’m over it.

I have a true best friend who I have known since the first day of HS, Taylor, she’s legit! ❤

We are going to New Hampshire this weekend for my hubby to walk at his college graduation, even though he still has classes until August, he gets to walk now. I’m so proud of him. He’s done so amazing in school while working full time, dealing with a lot of shit from his daughter, my step daughter, but he’s still managed to pull ALL straight As…I’m super excited to watch my hunnybear graduate! ❤

Also I am on a kick of “nothing but Eddie Vedder’s voice in my ears will do!” It’s like I can’t breathe if I’m not listening to him…so It’s been several days now of a PJ/EV playlist and Ten in the car because my car only has a CD player.

I think that’s it for now I am so tired I can’t think and I had a headache most of the day…so I think I’m gonna crash soon. Oh oh yeah…I am down 15 lbs!!

Goodnight, all!

Creative, family, friends, love, migraines, the past, weightloss journey, weird shit

checking in…

City Grown Willow

RE: Nerve block

I had one migraine that I woke up with this past Saturday…but it was manageable and I got rid of it. My period did arrive, Sunday night, and so far, no major migraines from it.

I have however been having insane cramps…feels like someone is trying to rip my uterus out with a red hot poker…but yeah sure I love being female! *angry face* I haven’t had cramps like these since i was a teenager… My emotions are also all over the damn place, I’m swinging from wanting to punch someone in the throat to trying not to cry.

My lunch break today was spent handling personal bullshit, I had to cancel Comcast internet because they fucking suck ass! And I got a letter from a guy in Kentucky repping my medical insurance saying that I would have to pay them back for any injuries from my car accident (last May) that they had paid benefits on…but they didn’t pay on anything progressive did…so what happened is the computer connected my broken toe(thanks to my dogs) to the accident and they needed to make sure that they were not connected because I did go to urgent care and the foot doctor about my toe. However, that happened on like May 22nd(or so) and the accident was May 30th so that should have been fucking obvious but apparently it wasn’t. So I had to resolve that as well. Fucking morons if you ask me…I mean there was at least a week between the toe and car accident.

I also got my nails did on Sunday…LOOOOOVE them!!! Hubby and I made a deal that I could get my nails did once I lost 10 lbs…guess who is down 11 as of last Saturday!?

The color of the dipping powder is called Wizard Fantasy. ❤ And We love Negan!

Who else is relieved there was no major life or death cliff hangers on the TWD Season 9 finale??? *raises hand*

coffee, eddie vedder, love, migraines, musical memories, pearl jam, tattoos

Feeling good…

City Grown Willow

So no headaches yet…and my neck and jaws were even tight earlier today and I still don’t have a headache or any symptoms, so that is AWESOMESAUCE! I hope this is a good sign!

I was wearing a wool sweater today because it was like icy out this morning…my car was frozen…but it got sunny and warmed up and i was sitting here at work roasting! I luckily had my zip up hoodie which is also lighter than the sweater and I can leave it partially unzipped so I can actually breathe because I do have a tank top on. And I propped the door open to let in some breezy air…it’s finally feeling better. I’m so looking forward to the warmer weather coming, but not for how warm it’s going to be here at work…because that sun come around to the front of the building and it heat up out here. I need to get the fan I had in here back out of the group room, because I may need it.

My black eye is much darker now, but it still doesn’t hurt, so that’s good…like I can feel that it’s bruised but, it’s not painful…

I just realized, I have not yet posted a pic of my new ink…OMG, seriously? Wtf? so yeah I got my 22nd tattoo…it’s another PJ tattoo…(OF COURSE!) And for those of you reading who don’t know much about me yet, PJ means Pearl Jam and they are my favorite band, since I was 12…and I’m stubborn as fuck about it…I will not even entertain the idea that there is any other band past or present that is better than them. This is a song title in Eddie Vedder’s handwriting…a song that I love…if you’ve never heard it, look it up!

I’ve had two cups of coffee today, too and it’s made a huge difference in helping me to stay feeling like I’m human…lol Ok, that’s it for today.

eddie vedder, family, friends, love, musical memories, pearl jam, the past

It’s been awhile…

City Grown Willow

I haven’t written since PJ! Shit, a lot has happened!

Recap! I started working at Service Master. I saw LUCERO in concert, I went to Seattle again, to visit Taylor and meet her new husband, while there I tried Spice cake which was maybe the yummiest thing I’ve ever had, and Korean BBQ and loved it! I got fired from Service Master of Salem, and yup they can all kiss my big white ass! I hope they see that. I got unemployment for a month and a half while I looked for a new job, and i found one working for the Drug Treatment Court in Corvallis as an office manager. I like it a lot, it’s far less stressful that any job I have ever had and that’s kinda a nice change! It’s a long commute though, so we bought a Jetta TDI at auction that wasn’t running and Jason fixed it, so I have a car that gets better mileage because it’s a diesel that can get up to 41 miles per gallon. And it’s a lot of fun to drive! I had  complete and total break down 2 weeks ago over my weight. I was fine and then all of a sudden I couldn’t control my emotions and I bawled, and since they we’ve been working on eating better and I have already lost 8.6 lbs. I am getting a new PJ tattoo in the next couple of weeks, and I also will be getting solar nails when I hit the 10 lbs mark, because Jason and I made a deal…lol I came down with the flu on Friday 3/1, and went to Urgent care immediately after work, and then the next day had one of the worst migraines of my life and Jason had to take me to the ER that night. OH And I shaved my head about 3 weeks ago.

  • Right after I shaved my head
  • at work a few days ago…
  • Last Night

The pin in the green Hoodie was the day after I shaved my head and then the other two are the last few days, you can see how much it has grown out…I actually really love it…but I am growing it back out. I just really needed to start from scratch because my hair was sooooooo damaged from all the shit I did to it in the last year. I am growing it out long though and I am not planning to color it myself anymore, I want to go get it done and have like an ombre or biolage or something done, so it looks like a real pretty combo of my natural color with some lighter honey blonde and maybe a little bit of platinum sorta highlights… and so it’s not damaged because I am not even kidding when I tell you my hair was fucked up and dry and brittle when I shaved my head. But I decided on the way home to do it, and I walked in and told my hubby and he said “You won’t do it, you always flip out when I tell you to do that” and he’s not wrong, but him saying that…turned it into a dare…so I had to do it. And I actually have a great shaped head for it, so I can rock it well. I have gotten lots of compliments and then it’s also ended up being a fun social experiment to see how strangers react…I went ot safeway the weekend after I did it, and the cashier who checked me ou, and older guy probably in his 60s, wouldn’t even look at me. They J and I went to dinner one night and a guy at the burger joint wouldn’t stop staring! I think it’s because people aren’t sure if this was a deliberate choice or if I’m sick with cancer and lost all my hair…lol

Oh yeah, and I started drinking coffee, my best friend taught me how to make it drinkable…lol I am obsessed, hence the new blog. My favorite is white coffee from Dutch Bros, but I make light roast at home. I love flavoring with vanilla and caramel creamer. I’m an addict!

I guess that’s about it for now, we got shit to get done today, and I’m hungry I haven’t eaten anything…and I am frozen so I’m gonna go take a HOT shower.