Tag: migraines

dreams, family, love, mental shit, migraines, the past

Mended Fences

City Grown Willow

My Paternal Grandma passed away early this morning. I woke to texts from each my Dad and my Auntie. My Grandma and I had a rocky relationship….. I didn’t even know her until I was 18. My dad wasn’t around and my Grandma denied that I was his. My mom wrote a letter to her when I was a senior in High School, giving them an opportunity to respond to me and be in my life if they wanted and then allow me to decide if I wanted them in my life. My mom sent her some pictures of me with the letter…and I look just like my father and my brother. No denying I’m his anymore. She did respond and then I responded. I met her the summer I graduated. We were building a relationship until I was in college and she found out what my political beliefs were and she said she couldn’t accept me…I didn’t speak to that side of my family for another 6 years and even after reconnecting again, things were rocky…she hadn’t acknowledged her wrong and I hadn’t forgiven.

Last year, she came down with Covid and while in isolation in the hospital I was the first person she told my Aunt she wanted to talk to and say goodbye because they didn’t think she was going to survive. We spoke via video chat on several occasions. And she asked for forgiveness and wanted me to know she did love me, she even asked my mom for forgiveness and wanted her to know she had done a great job raising me and that she loved her for that. My mom and I forgave her…and it was like this huge weight had been lifted off of both of us…all of that anger just melted away. I do wish I could have seen her again before she went, but I am glad we had that chance to talk and to make amends and find closure.

Grandma, I hope you’re flying high and resting easy, once again reunited with Grandpa.

On another note, I awoke today with a full-blown migraine…and I’ve been wondering if it could have anything to do with her passing. Like subconsciously, in my sleep, dream state did I know? Did I cry and get upset in my dreams and tense up giving myself this horrific migraine? I don’t know, it’s one of those things we can’t really ever know, but something interesting to think about.

Creative, family, love, Makeup, mental shit, migraines, piercings, Uncategorized

Update on me…

City Grown Willow
Medusa

Yes, it’s real. I got the Medusa Piercing, inspired by Bailey Sarian. I’ve had it for 2 weeks as of tomorrow… Love it… Obsessed! Lol This was a method of self-care for me.

So I have been going through a lot… PPD and PPA and a resurgence of my bipolar cycling. Trying to get that under control as well as my migraines. I have a migraine today… Think it’s menstrual… Got my period back… Lol can’t say I missed it while I was pregnant.

Before the Medusa, but a makeup lewk I loved.
Was feeling the grunge that day.

One way I do self-care is makeup… And this is why I love Bailey Sarian so much, she inspires me… I also do my nails. I paint them myself weekly. I’m trying to grow them back now.

I tried to recreate Bailey’s look, but didn’t have the right green, I still liked it though. I really want to get that green!
This week’s mani… I need new black polish… it’s getting thick. Lol
family, friends, love, migraines, the past

big update…

City Grown Willow

I haven’t posted in 4 months….it’s been a bit crazy around here.

I started the Aimovig shots and they are helping a lot, I follow up in Jan 8th…I think, if she’ll let me, I’d like to increase the dose and see if it helps more. I like the Naratriptan for when I do get them, it really works, and since starting the Aimovig, I’ve only missed one day of work for a migraine.

HOWEVER, I’ve been on FMLA and surgery recovery. So lets start at the beginning, because none of that info is here on this blog. I started having pain at 19, just a little bit when I would sit too long…that was on the right side, then over time it progressed, and I had doctors try and diagnose me with umpteen different things, but not a single one of them EVER taking any X-Rays. Finally a doctor listened to me and ordered Xrays, my right hip was all kinds of fucked up, so she sent me to Ortho at Kaiser, they looked at it and agreed it was fucked up, and that it NEEDED to be replaced, but those fuckers refused to do it. They said, and I’m paraphrasing “It will just have to be revised in 20 years because of your age, so no, we’re not going to help you, you just get to suffer.” Switched to Hubby’s insurance and found a surgeon willing to help a 31 year old woman who needed a hip replacement. It was done in January 2014. Since then, slowly, the left has worsened. In September I finally made an appt with my surgeon’s assistant, that appt fell on my Birthday, 10/22, and I got the best birthday news ever, they took new X-rays and he came in and said, “We’ll look at those X-Rays together, but just so you know, we’re going to replace it.” They scheduled my surgery real quick and I had my second total hip replacement, on the left side, on November 26th. I’ve been home recovering ever since. My post op is January 7th, and I think I should be allowed to go back to work the following Monday, because I’m recovering really well. Here is a picture of my incision.

J started a new job, I’m so proud of my hubby, and I love him so much!

We also started getting new flooring down finally and are making progress towards remodel goals. It’s nice to finally feel like the house is coming together. Still a long ways to go, but we have started.

J bought me another ring, because the one I posted in that last post was actually not well made and the customer service of the seller sucked, so we sent it back for a refund and I found this one, also Citrine, and then like 2 months ago, I found my missing engagement ring, it’s been missing since before we moved to Salem, I needed jump rings for a necklace I was making and I got out my little containers and in the top one I noticed my grandpa’s cuff link, which I was so excited about because I wasn’t sure where I had put it, so I pull it out and literally wrapped around the cuff link is my missing engagement ring! I never put it there, it had just vanished, I had theories about what happened, but I am so relieved they were wrong.

While I’ve been on recovery, I’ve been binging stuff. I’m on Season 7 of The Vampire Diaries, then I need to watch The Originals and Lagacies so be all caught up on the TVD verse. I also binged all 7 seasons of Once Upon A Time in 10 days…lol I loved the first 6 seasons, season 7 was awful, but I watched anyway, and the last 15 mins got me…I bawled like a baby over Rumple…I kinda love me some Robert Carlyle! Not to mention Hook! Oh dear me, Colin O’Donohue is something else! lol I watched VWars in a day, it was great, I watched Merry Happy Whatever, it was cute. And I got caught up on Schitts Creek. I FUCKING LOVE ME SOME DAVID!

Growing my hair back out…I think I want it to grow longer like a bob or something…but for now this is where I’ve gotten it to, back to my favorite pixie. Took this picture on Monday, Good hair day!

Anywho, the new year is going to be great and I’m happy to be able to be whole again, I’m going to work hard to lose weight. I will be able to do it now, without pain.

Been thinking about the kid the last few days…I miss her, don’t think she cares though.

Anyway, that’s all I got for today.

dreams, family, friends, love, mental shit, migraines

Major decision…

City Grown Willow

My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 1.5 years, and no success. We had stuff check out firtility wise and it’s not bad bad, but not great either…and it’s mostly to be expected due to age. Well, I am unable to continue down this path right now because of my health. My migraines are out of control and my bipolar/anxiety has ramped up.

Last Friday, 8/23, I had to leave work early due to a headache that had me in tears, I headed to Salem and was going to Urgent Care, I started to feel like I might actually pass out from the pain, which induced a full blown panic attack and more tears. By the time u reached Urgent Care I felt like I could be having a stroke…I wasn’t, but all those things combined made me feel like it.

So Jason and I had very lengthy discussions about this journey, and decided I can’t keep living like this. I’m miserable and tired and not happy at all. We are disappointed that we were unable to create a life together, but we have decided to adopt. And we know that once we have that baby, we will love it just as much as if we had created it.

So I spoke with my headache specialist yesterday and we are putting me on Tizanidine again and trying amerge for when I have a migraine and also trying Aimovig monthly shots for prevention.

It’s like a huge weight has been lifted! I will see my Psych in 2 weeks and get my IUD in 3 weeks. I just can’t even begin to explain how relieved I feel that I can get myself healthy before we bring a baby home.

Also Jason is done with school. He passed with straight A’s and I couldn’t be more proud of him! 🖤🖤🖤 I love that man so much! He also bought me a new wedding set that is citrine, which is my favorite!

Creative, family, friends, love, migraines, the past, weightloss journey, weird shit

checking in…

City Grown Willow

RE: Nerve block

I had one migraine that I woke up with this past Saturday…but it was manageable and I got rid of it. My period did arrive, Sunday night, and so far, no major migraines from it.

I have however been having insane cramps…feels like someone is trying to rip my uterus out with a red hot poker…but yeah sure I love being female! *angry face* I haven’t had cramps like these since i was a teenager… My emotions are also all over the damn place, I’m swinging from wanting to punch someone in the throat to trying not to cry.

My lunch break today was spent handling personal bullshit, I had to cancel Comcast internet because they fucking suck ass! And I got a letter from a guy in Kentucky repping my medical insurance saying that I would have to pay them back for any injuries from my car accident (last May) that they had paid benefits on…but they didn’t pay on anything progressive did…so what happened is the computer connected my broken toe(thanks to my dogs) to the accident and they needed to make sure that they were not connected because I did go to urgent care and the foot doctor about my toe. However, that happened on like May 22nd(or so) and the accident was May 30th so that should have been fucking obvious but apparently it wasn’t. So I had to resolve that as well. Fucking morons if you ask me…I mean there was at least a week between the toe and car accident.

I also got my nails did on Sunday…LOOOOOVE them!!! Hubby and I made a deal that I could get my nails did once I lost 10 lbs…guess who is down 11 as of last Saturday!?

The color of the dipping powder is called Wizard Fantasy. ❤ And We love Negan!

Who else is relieved there was no major life or death cliff hangers on the TWD Season 9 finale??? *raises hand*

coffee, eddie vedder, love, migraines, musical memories, pearl jam, tattoos

Feeling good…

City Grown Willow

So no headaches yet…and my neck and jaws were even tight earlier today and I still don’t have a headache or any symptoms, so that is AWESOMESAUCE! I hope this is a good sign!

I was wearing a wool sweater today because it was like icy out this morning…my car was frozen…but it got sunny and warmed up and i was sitting here at work roasting! I luckily had my zip up hoodie which is also lighter than the sweater and I can leave it partially unzipped so I can actually breathe because I do have a tank top on. And I propped the door open to let in some breezy air…it’s finally feeling better. I’m so looking forward to the warmer weather coming, but not for how warm it’s going to be here at work…because that sun come around to the front of the building and it heat up out here. I need to get the fan I had in here back out of the group room, because I may need it.

My black eye is much darker now, but it still doesn’t hurt, so that’s good…like I can feel that it’s bruised but, it’s not painful…

I just realized, I have not yet posted a pic of my new ink…OMG, seriously? Wtf? so yeah I got my 22nd tattoo…it’s another PJ tattoo…(OF COURSE!) And for those of you reading who don’t know much about me yet, PJ means Pearl Jam and they are my favorite band, since I was 12…and I’m stubborn as fuck about it…I will not even entertain the idea that there is any other band past or present that is better than them. This is a song title in Eddie Vedder’s handwriting…a song that I love…if you’ve never heard it, look it up!

I’ve had two cups of coffee today, too and it’s made a huge difference in helping me to stay feeling like I’m human…lol Ok, that’s it for today.

migraines

NERVE BLOCKERS!!!

City Grown Willow

Ok, so I know they are actually called Nerve Blocks, but I insist on adding the ‘er’ to it…lol

I got them today…to see if they will help my migraines. They did the Occipital Nerve in the back of my head and the Supraorbital Nerve in the front of my head. I have a black eye on my right eye from this…lol Just my upper eyelid, it’s pretty funny though. I legit didn’t know that the ones in the front would be below my eyebrows and so close to my eyes though, I thought they would be up above the eyebrows…no one warned me! I was kinda not amused when I felt that poke so close to my eyes…It was relatively painless though, the last one hurt the most, which was the left side of my Supraorbital nerve. and it burned when he injected me. Oddly it was the only one that really did.

Here are a couple of pictures. The first one you can also see right beneath the thickest part of my eye brows, two tiny black dots, that’s the injection site. The second one has a snapchat filter on it, and it’s just funny because it looks like I have eye shadow only on one eye…lol

Black eye from Supraorbital Nerve Block.
only did half my make up today…you know… lol

So anyway, that’s it, I will keep posting about how I feel with them, if I get headaches or not…we shall see. I did feel like completely numb all over my head but some of that is beginning to wear off so i’m feeling more normal.

Until next time… 🙂