pregnancy – Ok, But First Coffee!

She actually came early! But I’ve been so exhausted I hadn’t even thought about writing until now. On the morning of January 29th, I went to the OB for a check up and non-stress test. Her monitor/heart rhythm had them concerned, so I was sent over to the L&D Dept at the hospital for an ultrasound and further monitoring. After the ultrasound, it turned out she was perfectly fine, but I was not. My BP was through the roof! Which explains why I had felt awful that entire week. I had developed Pre-eclampsia. The doctor on call came in and talked to me about how high my BP was and said they were admitting and inducing me. I was 37 weeks and 1 day. They started a magnesium drip as well, and it was awful…it gave me a migraine I then had for 4 days. I was in labor after being induced for 38 hours. Once dilated, I pushed for 2.5 hours and she was stuck, so we ended up in an emergency c-section. When the doctor told me we were moving to a c-section, I don’t think I could have been happier… I just had nothing left in me to give. She was born at 5:24am on January 31st. 6lbs 6oz and 19.3 inches. She was perfect! Her name is Morticia. She had to stay in the NICU for 5 days due to a breathing episode she had which was caused by the magnesium drip that I had to have. She lost over a lb in the hospital and I was so worried, but she is gaining it back. I’m not breast feeding, I’m bottle feeding and we’re making our own formula which is working so well. I’m not breast feeding because I knew I would need to get back on my migraine medications and they’re not safe for her. I wanted to be the best mommy I can be so I can take care of her.

She is a month old now, and as of today weighs 8lbs 9oz. She looks just like me…I made these side by side comparisons to my baby pics…it’s wild! She’s so beautiful and I still can’t believe we made her.

I’ve been telling people that I believe she saved my life. If they hadn’t thought something was wrong with her amniotic fluid due to her heart rate, they wouldn’t have sent me to the hospital and my Pre-eclampsia might not have been caught. At the highest, my BP was 190 over 95. So she’s my little angel!

We are so completely in love with her!

I wrote about it when it happened in January. I was litereally ghosted by my best friend of 23 years. First I got angry… like really angry. Then I became indifferent. I just didn’t care because I felt she couldn’t show me the consideration of an explanation, why should I give a shit. Then I got pregnant, and my hormones are out of control and have my emotions all over the place. I can go from raging angry to bawling in just minutes…

I haven’t been bawling over Taylor, but it’s been weighing heavily on me… bothering me a lot. So, I decided to reach out, I emailed her, because I’m blocked on Social and I deleted her phone number when this happened out of anger. So, I wrote an email, saying it was for closure on my part… though, it made me feel better immediately when I sent it… and I didn’t, honestly, expect a reply, but it’s bothering me that she didn’t. I mean who does that? Who throws 23 years away without so much as an explanation? I don’t know what I said or did and she didn’t tell me, she just suddenly blocked me on Social… that is literally how I found out, by trying to look at her IG or FB, I don’t remember which, but I went and I was blocked and removed. I always try to talk to someone when I’m upset with them, and I’d extended that courtesy to her in the past… and yet, here we are. I’m left wondering.

And being pregnant with all these damn hormones has me all up in my damn feels over it. I mean if I knew that I had said or done something shitty… then maybe it wouldn’t bother me… but I didn’t. And if she thinks I did then she took something I said the wrong way, and couldn’t even say anything. I don’t want to have feelings over this anymore, it’s stupid. It was 8 months ago and why should I care anymore… but here we are. And in the email I said, if you reply, cool, if not, no worries. I guess I just thought that she would reply… even if just something brief… I dunno. It’s all so damn stupid… If you are mad at a friend… fucking talk to them, tell them why, if you can’t work it out, then Okay, by all means go your separate ways, but at least give them a chance… especially if it’s been 23 fucking years.

23 years. We met the first day of high school and were immediately inseparable best friends. We talked to each other essentially every day. When we were in school, we were together every day and if we weren’t, we passed notes. After HS when we got cell phones, we texted every single day… all day, every day, even back when it was T9 texting before smart phones. So, to say I’m hurt is a truth. I’m hurt that she couldn’t or wouldn’t talk to me first. I can’t know what was going on in her head, or what is… but I valued our friendship more than that, more than to just throw away 23 years over… over I don’t know what! And I thought she did to.

On another note I am 17 weeks pregnant as of yesterday. Everything is going well. We will find out the sex on October 1st and then my friend Tracy and her daughter are doing a gender reveal photoshoot with me… I have it planned, it’s gonna be super cute and fun and themed for October… and I promise no fires will be started like the morons in California.

Tag: pregnancy

Baby Arrived!

Hormones are bullshit!